It was recently brought to my attention that something called 'Earth Hour' had occurred. I learned this after the fact because, after all, I generally don't give a shit about these sort of things. Nevertheless I took it upon myself to investigate and found out for reasons unknown, a lot of people decided to turn off all of their lights and electrical devices for one hour. Which hour this was is unknown to me, but what is not unknown is the sheer stupidity of the situation. For one, I love electricity. How could I possibly, play Halo 3, look at internet porn, and write these fine intelligent articles if it wasn't for electricity? I guess the point was to show how aware we are of energy consumption. That's all well and good (not really, sounds lame to me) but don't people understand the extreme dangers that such an irresponsible action can present. First of all, if all the lights are off that means darkness. If everything is dark, people will inevitably bump into things. This will result in some people getting head wounds which are fairly serious. If you don't believe me check this out: ,or see the below diagram.
These poor cranial injured people will call 911 for an ambulance for medical aid. Unfortunately with all the lights off the ambulance will probably crash into a building and then everyone in the ambulance will have head wounds as well. Head wounds suck.
What's even more amazing is the complete disregard of the obvious threat of vampires. With no light, these hell spawned bloodsuckers will have free reign over the major cities. It will be like happy hour at the local brew pub for them. One would be totally defenseless to prevent themselves from having their precious, precious Iron rich, oxygenated life fluid drained out of them by the insidious immortal Nosferatu.
They might even decide to force you to become a vampire yourself. This would be very bad but hell, at least you'd get to party with them every year during Earth Hour.
Another problem with this one hour of fucking pointlessness is the always looming possibility of an alien invasion, which would be even further facilitated by a global blackout. If an alien warship showed up in our orbit just prior to Earth Hour it would go something like this:
Gribnok: We have reached the planet known as 'Earth' by its inhabitants. Should we proceed in our campaign to invade and conquer this world?
Pragnar: Sir, as your chief military adviser, I must warn you that although we are more technologically advanced than the Earthlings, they still have sufficient technology that we would be detected and their weapons do pose a threat to us.
Gribnok: Hmm ... I see.
Pragnar: Also, we are far outnumbered by their military forces. An attack would be extremely risky and even if did succeed, I believe both we and the Earthlings would suffer severe casualties. However, I do have an alternative plan.
Gribnok: I'm listening.
Pragnar: If we wait 30 to 50 standard galactic time units, they may have advanced enough that we could make contact and attempt to sign a treaty with them, avoiding any bloodshed.
Gribnok: Yes, yes. This is a very strategic spot in the galaxy, they would make valuable allies in our struggle against the evil Zarcon Empire. Very well, we shall return in that period of time and attempt to form an alliance with these Humans.
Pragnar: A prudent decision Sir ... Wait a minute, all their lights just went out. They'll never see us coming, ATTACK NOW!
And so instead of having a glorious world unifying victory over marauding extraterrestrials, or even better signing a mutually beneficial treaty with them warding off an even greater threat, our planet would lie broken and we would be sent to work as slaves in the Uranium salt mines of the frozen ice planet Arzgon 5.
(Clicky, clicky or have problems reading reading. You know the drill.)
So if this 3600 seconds of idiocy somehow becomes an annual event, I know where I'll be next Earth Hour. I'll be surrounding my house with several million candlepower of floodlighting with me and my friends patrolling the perimeter with shotguns; nervously scanning the tree line for vampires, and the skies for alien spacecraft. If you're as smart as me you'll be doing the same.