Friday, February 22, 2008


My Big Fat Movie Review

Rambo (2008)
dir. Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Sylvester Stallone
Julie Benz

Plot: 3/10
Acting: 4/10
Awesomeness: 11/10

Since, if you've been reading my posts, you know by now how much I hate Valentine's Day. My tradition on Valentine's day was always to make myself feel better by watching an incredibly violent movie. Usually I have to rent, but this year there was one in the theaters. Therefore I had the pleasure of getting to mosey on down to the local cinema and watch the fourth installment of Rambo. The movie was in it's last running day and I went to a matinée, so I had the whole theater to myself. There I could sit back and take in the bloodshed unencumbered. The plot of Rambo 4 goes something like this: In Burma, or Myanmar or whatever the hell they're calling that country these days, lots of poor villagers are being terrorized by the Burmese military bad guys. Rambo starts off his day like any man, by catching King Cobras to sell to the Thai. Then some Christian missionaries waltz in and have Rambo take them to Burma. Apparently the power of Christ compels them to be total fucktards and walk in to a war zone unarmed. Of course the bad guys, who are a little smarter and do have weapons, walk in, kick their ass and take their wallets. Then Rambo and some mercenaries have to go in and get them. Rambo is torn and doesn't want to kill anymore, but then remembers that he's really really good at killing people and decides 'Ah, what the hell.' Then it's basically carnage galore. There's a particular cool Aussie merc. who pops off bad guy's heads with a .50 sniper rifle. He should have thrown in the one liner "That's Australian for DEAD!" Anyway Rambo kills everyone and everything is lollipops and sunshine. Below is scene from the movie:

So, if you like seeing people shot, machine gunned, skewered with arrows, blown up with mines, hacked up and disemboweled, this one's for you. Remember kids violence solves everything.

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